Mothering

I entitled this post 'Mothering' as apposed to parenting, because for the most part while raising my oldest daughter it was solely mothering.With a husband who worked long hours and as much overtime as he could get so I could be a SAHM, I sometimes felt like a single parent. 

I was 19 when she was born, essentially, we grew up together. I fell in love for the first time, I never wanted to put her down, I held her endlessly.We co-slept,I was fiercely protective of her. Desperate to raise her right, I sacrificed everything...sometimes myself, to make sure I was a great mother. My heart broke a little when I had to send her to school,BUT I was always class mom, went on class trips, baked, organized, donated, etc. I cried when she cried, I was always there to catch her when she stumbled, bandage her boo-boo's, after broken friendships and broken hearts.
I made sure she was respectful, did well in school, she was a "good girl".

But somewhere along the lines she grew up,and changed. Now, although her face is just as beautiful, I don't recognize her. Gone is my lovely,well behaved girl from just a few years ago. She's been replaced by a disrespectful, rude, lying, obnoxious college drop out. I'm not permitted to have an opinion on her life. She yells and screams at me, turns her back on her father when he talks to her, she makes demands about how she thinks the house should be run.

I ask this child for no rent to live in MY house, yet she treats me as though I am her tenant. She eats, sleeps, gets her clothes washed, cable, internet all for no contribution, and either she doesn't realize or she doesn't care that she's breaking my heart.

Now I cry not because someone hurt her feelings, or because she was left off someone's party list, but because she's dating a loser with a child but no job, she busts her ass working and makes good money, but never has a dime in her pocket.I worry about her future because she's careless and is easily led, she doesn't like to tell people 'NO'.

I am her mother, I'll never stop worrying,caring or loving her. But I will NOT be abused by the child I once swore to protect with my own life. I never considered I would need someone to protect me from her.