Books?

So...please share with me what is on your Summer reading list, and I'll share with you what's on mine!

Changes

Well a few things have changed here on my blog since I've updated last. I've lost a few followers, one I'm not surprised...one I'm VERY surprised because I don't know why I thought we were friends and I'm sincerely disappointed that this little bump in the road would really disrupt our friendship and that disheartens me.
I've noticed a few of my followers have become anonymous...oohhh very mysterious, I don't really mind you can be shy that's fine with me :o)

Change number 3 and the most annoying of ALL and I must say it's really pissing me off, is this stupid music thing from my MySPACE, I don't know how on Earth I managed to get that there , but I can't figure out how to get it off!!!

So if anyone wants to add me to their MySPACE my url is
http://www.myspace.com/483907348

And that's my update for now...I'm keeping my chin up and moving on <3

Understanding

I sincerely hope everyone reading this blog understands that there is no viciousness here. There is no finger pointing, name calling, or ill-will.
I am devastated by what is happening to me over something so silly and I really sincerely wish for peace.
I have had enough distress in my life these past few months that I have no reason to cause any more. In an effort to avoid more trouble between women I consider family I left yet another loving situation where I had once found comfort.
Remember friends I live with an illness which causes me daily physical pain, some days I'm lucky if I can get a jar open, or sweep the floor.

We only get one chance at life why live it with anger and regret, we all make mistakes. I'm moving on. Maybe loom knitting is the way to go?
maybe I should make more stitch markers? OR Jewelry?

Maybe I need to really consider a peaceful life in Kentucky? Or maybe it's time to to go back to school for my Masters? everything happens for a reason, life is all about lessons...
we just have to remember to do the learning.

null Playlist by Deb on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

null Playlist by Deb on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

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Another update so soon

Things have made a sudden change in my life and I have to figure out why this keeps happening. My very favorite thing in my daily life, aside from my children of course, is my knit and crochet list AT My House. I post about it quite frequently here. In the past 3 years I've done many things for the list in a managerial role, created exchanges, wrote etiquette reminders, sent out daily free pattern emails, etc. I put my heart and soul into that list, only to essentially be called a liar even when I have proven myself otherwise and then when I go out of my way to do something extraordinary for the members I'm chastised like a child.

So I decided to step down as an exchanges leader, and I am no longer in a managerial role, truthfully after this post I may no longer be a member of the list at all. If that's the case then so be it, when you own a list those are your decisions to make.
I have made phenomenal friends on that list and I was sincerely only trying to bring them together for the greater good, so they could be more than just an email. I know the satisfaction that comes from that. Just ask LaDonna, Leanne, Barb,Sue,Penney,Cristal, etc. we've become family!!
I love these ladies.

Update

Well it's 2:33am and I've decided my friends who've I've never set eyes on, the ones I've never actually spoken to yet have been consistently been supporting me throughout this debauchery with my daughter, deserve at least a regular update on what's going on.
While I still don't understand what happened or why, and maybe I never will, I'm still deeply hurt by the whole thing. I will use this as a very valuable learning tool in raising my sons; in many ways I already have, but more on that later.

I don't understand how she turned out the way she did, not even coming or calling for her sisters birthday. Only calling or coming in fact when she needs something. She even disrespects her brother at his show...she really has chosen to distance herself from all of us.

But my therapist says I'm making progress because I'm learning not to blame myself, LOL.

Thank you all for taking the time out of your not so perfect lives to read this and support me, pray for me, leave me a comment, a word of guidance, I love you all I really do, I feel connected to you I do lean on you I read your blogs and I pull strength from them.

If that's the reason this has happened to bring us together, I can accept it, for that reason alone, for I have gained so much. Blessings to you all, for I do not know what I would have don't without you.

It's been too long

I have neglecting my blog for way too long, instead of using this as the useful outlet it was meant to be. Things have been happening in my life that have caused me to shut down. Physically mentally and emotionally. I can't even remember the last time I picked up a crochet hook to create something, which is extremely sad for me since at one time that was my greatest source of joy. A sense of accomplishment...pride in my achievement of my creation in how far I had come in this craft.

And now, I have been too embarrassed to tell anyone that I've sunken so low in this depression that I can't even concentrate on a pattern long enough to decide on a color of yarn I'd want to use let alone actually follow it long enough to see it develop into something.

Early in May my daughter and I were disagreeing on her relationship with her boyfriend and the amount of control he was exhibiting over her, (see older post) he sent me text messages, email and posted a vile video on facebook about how I should die and go to hell...etc... when my daughter did nothing to defend me our relationship suffered.

One day she decided to crawl out the window and not come back, for 3 weeks I had no idea where she was, I didn't sleep, eat, all I did was cry thinking about what evil was coming to her...no phone call, no text messages, NOTHING.

Finally I went to her workplace and confronted her where I stood in front of her with tears rolling down my face and all she did was go on about how the 2 "friends" bought her a whole new wardrobe and it was like a vacation, no stress, she basically laughed in my face. I couldn't speak, she didn't say she missed me she never said she was sorry, she never hugged me...nothing.

I got in the car and left. The next time I spoke to her was at the end of June when she came to her brother's high school graduation, where she attempted to make it all about her, but I refused to allow that to happen.
I'm grieving my relationship I had with my daughter, I don't know what happened to her. Did I make a terrible mistake?
I have all these miserable feelings going on yet at the same time I have 6 other children who she left behind as well. She didn't only do this to ME, she did this to all of us.

How did I raise someone so selfish? With no remorse? SO self centered?
Will I ever recover from this? Will I ever forgive her?
More importantly, will I ever forgive MYSELF?